The Day They Kidnapped Cleopatra

"The Day They Kidnapped Celopatra" An unproduced script for the Galactica 1980 series
Writer(s)	Mark Jones, Anne Collins, Chris Bunch and Alan Cole
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Production No.	55012
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The Return of Starbuck (produced, series finale)	The Day They Kidnapped Celopatra	The Wheel of Fire
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Overview

Xaviar continues his self-appointed mission of improving Earth's technology in the distant past. This time he pretends to be a god to Cleopatra, however in order to dispel those who doubt Xaviar's claim, she poisons his drink, forcing Xaviar to seek out Jamie Hamilton, Troy and Dillon in 1980 to get medical assistance. Unfortunately, he brings along Cleopatra to the future as well, jeopardizing Earth's timeline in the process.

Summary

Act 1

• In California of 1980, Troy and Dillon are about to land near Dr. Mortinson's university, carrying important documents for Earth's nuclear disarmament committee. Over their Viper's communicator, Adama impresses upon them that it is vital that the committee see these important documents, as their "decision could mean the difference between World War... and peace."
• In Alexandria, Egypt of 48 BC, Xaviar is playing with Cleopatra while using his invisibility field. She believes him to be a great god, which Xaviar comments chauvinistically that "but only a queen of your beauty deserves a god such as me."
• They partake in drinking wine, during which Cleopatra tells him of her desire to share her vast kingdom with Xaviar. However, her high priests suspect him of deception, believing that he is not a god. To dispel their doubts, she informs Xaviar that she would prove to them that Xaviar was a god by poisoning his drink, as she believes that a god could neither be killed by sword nor poison.
• Xaviar is shocked, tells her that he is displeased and chides her by saying "one shouldn't deceive a god". When he attempts to leave, Cleopatra voices her concern that he'll never return to her, and as such she will go with him.
• Xaviar claims that he will return to the "land of the gods", but Cleopatra informs him that she had her slaves hide his "flying chariot", and teases him into letting her come with him to this said land, in exchange for telling him where the Viper is hidden.
• With Cleopatra, he pilots the Viper away from Egypt and activates his time warp synthesizer.
• On Galactica, in Doctor Zee's chambers, Zee asks Adama if he's heard about the ion trail that has re-entered their time frame from the distant past. Adama replies in the positive, then inquires as to why Xaviar would return to the present after safely eluding them.
• Zee is unsure, telling Adama (who thought he'd seen the lat of Xaviar) that "with his knowledge, he could have lived like a king in any other time". After posturing, Zee suspects that he has a "compelling reason" and that "possibly he wants to contact us". Zee also suspects that "it could be the beginnings of a clever plan".
• Zee emphasizes that they must find out immediately what Xaviar's motives are through Troy and Dillon; Zee allays Adama's concerns about pulling the Colonial Warriors from providing the important data to the Nuclear Disarmament Committee, since they have 60 hours before this committee convenes and could finish their mission since "they have the time if they use it wisely."
• Upon landing on a hilltop overlooking the Sheraton-Universal Hotel, Cleopatra comments on the large structures of the city, saying that "you must have slaves working day and night to erect those". Xaviar lies in the affirmative and tells her to follow him to the hotel.
• At the United Broadcasting Company, a worker at the studio hands Jamie Hamilton a phone, saying that a guy named Xaviar is on the phone asking for her. She doesn't immediately catch on, because she is absorbed in her work, but quickly takes the call upon realizing the importance of the name.
• In the Sheraton-Universal's lobby, Cleopatra is "intently examining the pay phone next to [Xaviar]" as he asks for her help. After some confusion regarding the hotel's name, he informs her that he's dying as a result of "a girl" poisoning him. He explains that the girl is Cleopatra, but doesn't come out and say the name; Hamilton promises to get Troy and Dillon for him. After hanging up, Hamilton realizes that the girl he spoke of was Cleopatra herself.
• Dillion and Troy "streak along the Ventura Freeway on their cycles", briefly exchanging concerned looks after Troy comments that "When Xaviar's invovled... it's always a matter of life and death."
• Inside the hotel's lobby, Cleopatra looks over the gold jewelry at a boutique run by a "matronly woman". Cleopatra grabs a gold chain; the woman notes that her robe is spun from pure gold, which Cleopatra indignantly replies in the affirmative. After the woman asks Cleopatra whether she wanted the gold necklace she took, Cleopatra simply says "Yes" and walks away.
• Hamilton enters the lobby, reacting to the appearance of Cleopatra herself. Xaviar confirms that the woman is, indeed, Cleopatra after she assuages Xaviar's concerns about the location of Troy and Dillon.
• Cleopatra asks if Hamilton is a god; after confirming that she is not a god, Cleopatra tells Hamilton to kneel before her.
• The boutique woman runs up, demanding for payment; Cleopatra is oblivious to the reasons why, however Hamilton offers to pay for the necklace and, to stop her from calling the police, Hamilton tells to the woman that they're "doing a film story". Apparently, the woman is impressed and convinced that Cleopatra is an actress, despite Cleopatra's various demands for guards and for the woman to be removed. Hamilton offers her credit card to cover the necklace, making a remark to herself: "There goes the credit limit."
• Tory and Dillon pull up in front of an automatic ticket dispenser; a ticket is ejected from the slot. Troy asks the machine for a place to park their vehicles. After Troy begins his attempt to talk with the machine, Dillon rips out the ticket and throws it to the ground, believing that "its hearing sensor was clogged". A car comes up behind them, honks its horn, encouraging Troy and Dillon to just park anywhere they please.
• In the lobby, Troy and Dillon encounter Cleopatra, Xaviar, and Hamilton; Hamilton is glad to see them, and begins talking excitedly about Cleopatra. Of course, the Galacticans do not know who she is. When Hamilton explains that she ruled all of Egypt and married Julius Caesar and Mark Anthony, Troy asks if they are there as well. Much to their relief, neither is.
• When Hamilton continues to talk about Cleopatra, Xaviar pleads for their help. In a ploy of sincerity, Xaviar hands over his weapon, and wishes to talk to them alone. Hamilton makes the arrangements, telling Cleopatra that they will be going to "your new palace". As she moves to the registration desk, she asks rhetorically why she didn't get the easy assignments, "like riots".
• Inside the penthouse, Cleopatra "marvels at the wondrous 'miracles' in the room...things like lights, plumbing, T.V., etc." While Cleopatra is flicking a light switch on and off, Cleopatra comments that the penthouse is "truly a palace for a queen". When Cleopatra is informed they are in California, she claims that as "Xaviar's queen, I am queen of California". Hamilton admits that it has a nice ring to it, then offers to fix Cleopatra something to eat. She replies that she would like a roast pig.
• In another room, Xaviar tells the Warriors his story as Dillon scans Xaviar's heart. Dillon replies that something is indeed happening to him metabolically. Xaviar pleads for assistance to save his life, telling them that he's willing to do anything, even returning to the Galactica to stand trial for his misdeeds.
• Since Cleopatra cannot remain in their time without history unraveling, Troy tasks Dillon to send her back to her time, while he and Hamilton will go to Xaviar, as Hamilton will need to help them find a medical center so that Xaviar could be treated.
• In the kitchen of the penthouse, Cleopatra asks about the water faucet. Hamilton attempts to explain to her that there are no slaves that pump the water, but rather that "it works on a pressure principal" before giving up. Cleopatra then becomes interested in the television, which is playing Fangface.
• Troy enters the kitchen, telling Hamilton that Xaviar is telling the truth and they need help finding a medical center. She replies that she has a doctor friend that she could call. She moves to do so.
• As Xaviar looks worse, Troy tells Dillon that Cleopatra has to leave. Xaviar comments that he doubts that this will occur without him; Troy tells Xaviar to convince her. He talks to Cleopatra, who is now watching a newscast on the television. He tells her to pretend to cooperate with the evil gods, and that the first chance she gets she is to escape to a place called the Museum of History, which is shown on the newscast to feature a display on Egyptian Queens. He promises to meet her there later. She obeys.
• Meanwhile, Hamilton is on the phone with David Rubin, an old friend she knew from school. Rubin has a crush on her and initially believes that the reason for her call is so they can get back together; he offers to go out to dinner with her, telling her that his mother still asks about her. She sidesteps the issue and lets him know that she has a friend who is poisoned and needs treatment. She gets an address from Rubin and tells him that they'll meet him there.
• Troy and Hamilton leave with Xaviar to Rubin's hospital, while Troy looks after Cleopatra, who is tending to her "beauty matters" before they leave.
• After leaving the restroom, Cleopatra sits next to Dillon on a couch, and after nervously staring at one another, briefly and superficially discusses her trip back to her own time. They leave the penthouse and head toward the hotel elevators.
• Cleopatra manages to evade Dillon as he gets onto an elevator by getting into another elevator nearby. Unable to get to her before the elevator closes, Dillon enters a stairwell and leaps down the stairs.
• After leaving the elevator, she tells a nearby doorman that she would like to be taken to the Museum of History. The doorman obliges, hailing her a cab. Dillon exits the building in time to just see Cleopatra leave in a cab.

Act 2

• After the doorman asks Dillon if he requires help, Dillon asks about Cleopatra. He discovers that she has gone to the Museum of History.
• Dillon hurrily runs out of the building, almost getting run down by another cab. The cabby offers Dillon a ride to the museum.
• Inside a waiting area of a hospital, Xaviar complains about feeling the effects of the poison. After briefly interacting with the nurse at the registration desk, Rubin comes to them, asking if Troy is the one who is sick. Hamilton replies in the negative, pointing out Xaviar.
• A woman doctor brings Xaviar to the emergency room, while Troy tells Hamilton that they must hide the fact that Galactican metabolism is much slower than Earth people's. Hamilton is confident about this, replying: "Don't worry...after meeting Cleopatra, that'll be a snap."
• In the emergency room, Xaviar is being examined by Rubin and the woman doctor. They find out that metabolism is not like a normal humans, but attribute this to the poison, which the female doctor determines to be of reptilian origin, specifically "like an asp". Hamilton tells Rubin that the information regarding the poison and the metabolism are not information that is ready to be released yet, much to Rubin's chagrin, though he obliges. However, they still don't know if Xaviar will live.
• The cab carrying Cleopatra arrives at the museum, after which the cabby begins to hit on Cleopatra, believing her to be a foreigner. He offers to "let he fare go, if we can talk about a date". Believing him to reference the fruit, she replies that she prefers cumquats, to which the cabby remarks about the sense of humor of foreign girls.
• Cleopatra enters the museum, during which Professor Johnson and Williams are having a heated discussion about the displayed artifacts he discovered. Johnson believes that they may lead him to Cleopatra's tomb. Williams is more skeptical, noting that "the Cincinnati group" is getting very close, and that Johnson had to come up with more than a theory in order to impress investors for future digs. Williams notes that he cannot afford to put his reputation on the line, and that the fund raising party that night "is it".
• While Cleopatra looks around the museum, Dillon's cab pulls up and he rushes inside the museum.
• At the hospital, the doctor notes that Xaviar's condition worsens; Troy rummages through a cabinet, pulling out a bottle and instructing the doctor to use 5 cc's of it to neutralize the toxins in his system. Rubin questions the move, but the doctor, upon reading the label, believes it "might be our only chance".
• In the museum, Dillon finds Cleopatra and grabs her, attracting the attention of a few of the visitors. She threatens to call the guards and Dillon attempts to settle the situation quietly.
• A woman watching this assumes that Cleopatra and Dillon were a couple who have broken up; the woman offers words of encouragement for Cleopatra to "don't let that chauvinist dictate to you!" Confused, Dillon backs off, while the woman continues to berate Dillon, telling him to stay away from Cleopatra and that "it's over, can't you see that?"
• The 5 cc's of fluid Troy gives to the doctor is injected into Xaviar.
• Cleopatra makes her way to an exhibit on her. Dillon follows her, attempting to talk to her without incident. She begins to read the hieroglyphics, despite Dillon's nervous objections. She discovers that she will marry a great leader, Caesar, and asks how she will tell Xaviar. She later discovers that her brother is killed and she remarries (after Caesar's assassination), learning about her death by the bite of an asp.
• Cleopatra is emotionally distraught from the revelation and runs from the room. Dillon chases after her. The incident attracts Williams' attention and he calls for the guards. She notices this, and calls for the guards to help her.
• Dillon is apprehended by the guards, while Cleopatra runs into Williams' arms. Dillon fails to explain his actions and is taken away to his office, where he'll be held until the police arrive. Meanwhile, he leads Cleopatra away, expressing a desire to speak to her.
• In the hospital, Hamilton thanks the unnamed doctor and Rubin for doing everything they can for Xaviar, who is on the bed and whose condition has yet to change in either direction.
• In the museum, Williams talks to Cleopatra about the jewels she wears, noting that they look very authentic. She replies that they are, and they are "but a few of my many". Williams assumes that she's been deciphering the ancient scrolls in display, which they believed contained the locations for Cleopatra's treasures. He asks if she works for the Jaffe expedition, which she replies in the negative: "I work for no one."
• Believing her to be an independent, Williams offers to work with her, and invites her to the party tonight to meet very important people. After being called a "honey", Cleopatra is infuriated and reveals that she is Cleopatra. While Williams indicates his belief that she's a looney, he continues to ask if she agrees to go to the party.
• Before getting a definitive answer, the guards hurriedly approach Williams, and tell him that Dillon has disappeared. Williams initially believes that Dillon slipped away from them due to their incompetence, but they indicate that he disappeared; Cleopatra then asks, "Are you surprised when a god vanishes?"
• In the hospital, Xaviar awakens. The poison has indeed been flushed out of Xaviar's system and he is recovering. Xaviar feigns thankfulness, claiming that he owes Troy his life; Troy replies that as soon as Xaviar is well, he'll escort him back to Galactica.
• Feigning weakness, he lures Hamilton to come closer to the bed, where he suddenly and quickly takes a scalpel and threatens her life. He demands that Troy give him his laser, claiming that he has "certain motivations that override my promises" and that "I have a mission that must be performed". Xaviar further threatens Hamilton, until Troy hands Xaviar's laser over to him. Xaviar releases Hamilton.
• Troy attempts to stop Xaviar, which develops into a laser fight, whereby Xaviar shoots Troy and makes good on his escape. Hamilton goes over to Troy's body, unsure on whether he is dead or alive.

Notes

• This episode was being filmed when the order to cancel the series was passed down. To date, no images from the scenes shot have surfaced, nor has any information about casting for this episode been revealed either.

Analysis

• The fact that Cleopatra can speak and understand English is a major conceit.

Noteworthy Dialogue

• Dillon ineptly attempts to stop Cleopatra from discovering her own future:

Cleopatra: (shocked) This... this tells about... a great queen, Cleopatra, the seventh. That is I....

Dillon: (nervously) Oh, I wouldn't bother with those... why don't you come back with me. You could bump into some problems if you read any further...

Cleopatra: (reading hieroglyphics) It says I will marry a great leader...Caesar. That is two years from now. How will I tell Xaviar....

Dillon: (trying to stop her) See. A problem. Look, why don't we just leave now... history is boring...

• Troy and Dillon share bad news:

Dillon: Troy... on Earth, they have a saying called, 'good news' and 'bad news'.

Troy: I have some news for you, too.

Dillon: Good or bad?

Troy: Bad?

Dillon: (disappointed) Oh... I thought you'd have the good news... mine's bad. Cleopatra's escaped.

Troy: Xaviar's escaped from us!

Dillon: Boy, we do make a team.

• Troy informs Jamie Hamilton that she'll need to ride a turbocycle:

Hamilton: Me? C'mon ... I have trouble on escalators ... I can't ride a motorcycle ....

Troy: Simple... they practically fly themselves.

Hamilton: (scared) Fly?

Guest characters

• Cleopatra
• Williams
• Professor Johnson
• Dr. David Rubin